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当心这13种行为,你可能因此招人厌

Business Insider 2017年10月05日

通常来说,让别人喜欢上自己希望继续相处只有几秒钟的机会。各种细节都很重要。

你是不是有过这种经历,刚认识某个朋友的时候觉得这人很讨厌,后来却发现他/她其实很友善?其实大家都遇到过。

通常来说,让别人喜欢上自己希望继续相处只有几秒钟的机会。各种细节都很重要,从姓什么到身上散发的汗味(其实挺恶心)都有关系。

Business Insider总结多项科学发现,归纳出网上和现实生活中容易招人厌的行为特征。

1、在社交媒体Facebook上分享太多照片

如果你是晒照狂人,一天里能从个人蜜月照、外甥毕业照晒到自家小狗穿着万圣节服装搞怪,最好改掉这种习惯。

2013年的一项研究发现,在Facebook上晒照片太多会影响现实生活中的人际关系。

“原因是,除了关系特别好的密友和亲人,其他人对没完没了分享个人照片没什么好感。”该研究主要作者英国伯明翰大学讲师大卫·霍顿在公开发布的报告中如是说。

而且,如果你分享太多个人家庭的照片朋友会不喜欢,如果分享太多朋友的照片亲戚又会不开心。

参与上述研究的爱丁堡大学讲师本·马尔德警告:“分享照片的时候要谨慎,想想别人看到的时候会怎么看你。分享是改善人际关系的好方法,但也能影响关系。”

2、Facebook的朋友圈人数太多或者太少

在2008年的一项研究中,密歇根州立大学的研究人员请大学生看一些虚构的Facebook个人页面,记录下他们对虚构人物的好感程度。

研究结果显示,最受欢迎的人好友人数大约300名。只有约100位好友或者超过300人好感度最低。

为什么有300多位好友的人可能不招人喜欢,研究报告的作者认为:“在Facebook上朋友那么多像是整天泡在网上拼命交友,显得比较绝望而不是受欢迎。”

另一方面,参与评估的大学生每人都有300名左右的Facebook好友。所以研究者承认,如果调查人群在Facebook网站大多拥有1000名好友,那么他们最可能对好友同样1000名的人产生好感。

但也别忘了,2014年的一项调查发现,Facebook成人用户的平均好友人数是338人。

有趣的是,该研究还指出,受访者并非有意不喜欢Facebook好友过多或者过少的人,而是下意识的选择。

3、认识不久就透露过于私人的信息

一般情况下,人们交流心事后可以加深好感。对成年人来说,坦露心声是交友的好方法。

可心理学家认为,如果你向某人透露过于私密的信息,比如说你的姐妹有了婚外情,当然还是能加深了解,但会显得你没有安全感,获得好感的可能性降低。

关键是把握好透露私人信息的度。2013年美国伊利诺伊州立大学教授苏珊·斯普雷彻领衔的一项研究认为,假如单纯分享个人爱好和最爱的童年回忆,可以让你显得更和蔼可亲。

4、交流中绝口不提自己,一个劲打听别人的事

上述2013年的研究还有一个的重要发现:主动披露个人信息确实能拉近彼此的距离,但必须是相互的。当别人向你透露隐私的时候,如果你没有分享一些私密的事作为回应,对方对你的好感往往就会减少。

当时研究人员安排了一些不相识的受访者相互袒露心声,在12分钟时间内,受访者要么跟搭档交替分享心事,要么一个人说完另一个人再说。结果显示,交替分享心声的受访者彼此好感度会增加很多。

正像该研究作者所写的:“有些害羞或者害怕社交的人可能会选择向别人发问来转移对方的注意力。但我们的研究显示,这对建立亲密关系没什么帮助。互动时双方都要坦露心声,才能拉近关系产生好感。”

5、分享个人特写照

如果你在职业社交网站LinkedIn的个人页面上放了面部特写,最好赶快换掉。

加州理工学院的一项研究发现,和面部距离镜头135厘米、约合4.5英尺的肖像照相比,面部距离镜头只有45厘米、约合1.5英尺的照片让人觉得你不够可靠,同时会拉低个人魅力,让人对你的能力产生疑问。

6、隐藏个人情绪

研究发现,展现真实情感比压抑情感更能赢得别人的好感。

在2016年的一项研究中,俄勒冈大学的研究人员录下了观众看两部电影片段的反应:一部是喜剧片《当哈利遇上莎莉》里女主角装高潮,另一段是《舐犊情深》里的悲伤情节。有时,导演要求演员给出自然的反应,有时又要求演员克制自己的情绪。

随后研究人员让大学生看了四个版本的录像内容,判断他们对录像中的人好感程度如何,以及他们认为录像中人物的性格怎样。

结果显示,大学生更喜欢自然表露情绪的人,对压抑情绪、不够外向随和的人没什么好感。

研究人员写道:“人们选择建立亲密关系时并非一视同仁,他们很可能更喜欢愿意回应自己投入的人。所以,当察觉有人掩饰自己的情感时,他们可能认为这些人不关心以情感表达为基础的社交行为,比如建立亲密关系、获得群体支持和加强人际合作等。”

7、表现得像老好人

按理说,如果你看起来越和善、越无私,别人应该越喜欢你。但一些科学研究显示并非如此。

在2010年的一项研究中,美国华盛顿州立大学和非营利机构沙漠研究所的工作人员让一些大学生玩电脑游戏,一同打游戏的四位玩家其实是由研究者控制。

作者之一在《哈佛商业评论》的文章中解释了研究过程:

“参与者每五人分为一组,谁都看不到其他组内成员。每人都得到一些积分,他们可以选择全部或部分持有,也可以全部或部分返还。游戏鼓励他们持有尽可能多的积分,但不是明显鼓励。”

“我们告诉参与者,学期结束会随机抽选一些人,选中的人可以把持有的积分兑换成学校餐厅的优惠券。”

一些虚拟的参与者会放弃很多积分,只换取少数优惠券,这看起来是很无私的举动。但结果显示,参与者大多表示不想再和无私的队友合作。

该研究此后进行的实验也得到了同样的结果。参与者表示,队友太无私显得自己像坏人,还有些参与者怀疑无私队友真正的动机。

8、谦虚的自夸

为了给朋友和潜在雇主留下好印象,一些人表面上自我批评实际上却在自夸。哈佛商学院最近的一项研究显示,所谓“谦虚的自夸”可能招人厌。

研究中,工作人员请一些大学生写下面试中怎么介绍个人最大缺点。结果显示,超过四分之三的大学生都会谦虚地自夸,说自己最大的缺点是工作太卖力或者追求完美主义之类。

而独立的研究助理表示,如实回答的学生更有可能应聘成功,因为更容易赢得招聘人员的好感。诚实的回答类似于“有时我没那么有条理”或者“有时我会反应过激。”

除了诚实回答还有另一种选择,谈谈和应聘岗位没有直接关系的弱点。比如应征一个写作相关的职位时,求职者可以说害怕在公众场合发言。

9、太紧张

永远不要让别人看到你流汗,或者闻到你的汗味。研究显示,紧张流汗的气味可能无形中影响别人对你性格的评价。

2013年,美国费城非营利科研机构莫奈尔化学感官中心曾让参与研究者观看一些女性日常生活的视频,比如在办公室工作和照看孩子等。看视频期间,他们闻到了三种汗味:锻炼出汗、紧张出汗以及止汗剂掩盖下紧张场合出的汗。

然后,研究人员请参与者评价各位女性的能力、信心和可信度。

结果显示,受试者对因为紧张而出汗的女性评价偏低。而如果女性紧张出汗被止汗剂掩盖,受试者给予的评价比较好。

10、不爱笑

要是在社交活动上碰到很多陌生人,脸上时刻保持笑容确实困难。但不管怎样,尽量多笑一笑。

美国怀俄明大学的一项研究里,100名左右女性本科生看一组其他女性的照片。照片上的女性摆出四种姿势:肢体做出开放性的姿势,并且面带微笑;做出拒绝性的姿势,面带微笑;做出开放性的姿势,但脸上没有笑容;做出拒绝性的姿势,没有笑容。结果显示,无论照片上的女性肢体姿势怎样,只要面带微笑,大学生的好感都很高。

最近美国斯坦福大学和杜伊斯堡埃森大学的研究人员发现,当学生们彼此通过虚拟头像交流时,开怀欢笑的头像让他人感觉更好。

还有一项研究发现,和别人初次见面时,如果你露出笑脸,以后对方更容易记起你。

11、表现出不喜欢某人

通常我们感觉别人喜欢自己,也就会喜欢对方。心理学上把这种现象称为“好感反应的互馈”。

举个例子,1959年《人类关系》上刊登曾刊登一项研究。研究中参与者得知,参与小组讨论的某些成员可能喜欢自己。(成员都是实验者随机抽选的。)讨论结束后,参与者表示最喜欢的人正是他们以为喜欢自己的人。

最近加拿大滑铁卢大学和曼尼托巴大学的研究者发现,当我们期望别人接纳自己的时候,就会对对方更客气,由此对方真正喜欢上自己的几率真的提升了。所以如果你不确定正在交往的人对自己感觉怎样,请表现得喜欢对方,没准对方真会对你产生好感。

另一方面,如果你表现出对别人没什么好感,可能就失去了深入交流的机会。

12、名字难读

必须承认,这点真是不公平。

但科学研究显示这是真的。澳大利亚墨尔本大学、比利时鲁汶大学和美国纽约大学2012年的一项研究发现,名字越难读,外人对此人的评价就越负面。

该研究做了一项实验,请一些大学生读一篇虚构的报纸报道,内容是有人要竞选地方议员。部分大学生看到的报道之中,竞选者的名字相对容易读(比如拉扎里迪斯或者帕拉多斯卡),另一些大学生看到的竞选者名字相对难读(比如佛基欧卡基斯和莱什琴斯卡)。

事实证明,受试大学生觉得名字更易读的人更适合其竞选的政府职位,名字难读的人则没那么适合。

13、借别人的名号抬高自己

有时为了让谈话对象印象深刻,你可能会忍不住提起,某位著名的作家和你毕业于同一所大学。但结果可能适得其反。

瑞士苏黎世大学的研究结果即是如此。他们2009年发布的一份报告认为,如果喜欢跟名人攀关系,别人对你的好感会下降,而且会认为你的能力不怎么样。

研究期间,苏黎世大学的学生通过电邮跟一些“搭档”交流。(实际上电邮都是研究人员发的。)

在某一组电邮里,有些电邮搭档会提到跟瑞士著名男子网球选手罗杰·费德勒是朋友,以前共事过。另一些电邮中,搭档只是说费德里是自己的朋友。在另一组电邮中,搭档自称是费德勒的粉丝,其他电邮中,搭档根本不提费德勒。

结果显示,搭档与费德勒的关系看起来越密切,受试大学生对搭档的好感度就越低。研究人员还发现,原因主要是学生们感觉搭档操纵欲比较强。(财富中文网)

本文首发于美国财经科技新闻网站BusinessInsider.com

译者:Pessy

审稿:夏林

Everyone's got a story about how they thought a certain friend was mean the first time they met, but realized later that he or she is actually the nicest person ever.

Generally, you've only got a few seconds to make someone want to spend more time with you. Everything matters — from your last name to the smell of your sweat (gross, we know).

Below, Business Insider rounded up various scientific findings on the traits and behaviors that make people dislike you, both online and in person.

1. Sharing too many photos on Facebook

If you're the kind of person who shares snapshots of your honeymoon, cousin's graduation, and dog dressed in a Halloween costume all in the same day, you might want to stop.

A 2013 study found that posting too many photos on Facebook can hurt your real-life relationships.

"This is because people, other than very close friends and relatives, don't seem to relate well to those who constantly share photos of themselves," lead study author David Houghton, of Birmingham Business School, said in a release.

Specifically, friends don't like it when you've got too many photos of family, and relatives don't like it when you've got too many photos of friends.

Ben Marder, of the University of Edinburgh, also worked on the study, and warned: "Be cautious when sharing and think how it will be perceived by all the others who may see it. Although sharing is a great way to better relationships, it can also damage them."

2. Having too many, or too few, Facebook friends

In a 2008 study, Michigan State University researchers asked college students to look at fictional Facebook profiles and decide how much they liked the profiles' owners.

Results showed that the "sweet spot" for likability was about 300 friends. Likability ratings were lowest when a profile owner had only about 100 friends, and almost as low when they had more than 300 friends.

As for why 300-plus friends could be a turn-off, the study authors write, "Individuals with too many friends may appear to be focusing too much on Facebook, friending out of desperation rather than popularity."

On the other hand, the college students doing the evaluation each had about 300 Facebook friends themselves. So the researchers acknowledge that in a population where the most common number of Facebook friends is 1,000, the sweet spot for likability could be 1,000.

Keep in mind, though, that a 2014 survey found that the average number of Facebook friends among adult users was 338.

Interestingly, the study also suggested that participants weren't consciously aware that they liked people less when they had too many or too few Facebook friends.

3. Disclosing something extremely personal early on in a relationship

In general, people like each other more after they've traded confidences. Self-disclosure is one of the best ways to make friends as an adult.

But psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate — say, that your sister is having an extramarital affair — while you're still getting to know someone can make you seem insecure and decrease your likability.

The key is to get just the right amount of personal. As a 2013 study led by Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests, simply sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more likable.

4. Asking someone questions without talking about yourself at all

That same 2013 study by found an important caveat to the idea that self-disclosure predicts closeness: It has to be mutual. People generally like you less if you don't reciprocate when they disclose something intimate.

In the study, unacquainted participants either engaged in back-and-forth self-disclosure or took turns self-disclosing for 12 minutes each while the other listened. Results showed that participants in the back-and-forth group liked each other significantly more.

As the authors write, "Although shy or socially anxious people may ask questions of the other to detract attention from themselves, our research shows that this is not a good strategy for relationship initiation. Both participants in an interaction need to disclose to generate mutual closeness and liking."

5. Posting a close-up profile photo

If your LinkedIn profile features an image of your face practically smushed up against the camera, you'd be wise to change it.

Research from California Institute of Technology suggests that faces photographed from just 45 centimeters — about 1.5 feet — away are considered less trustworthy, attractive, and competent than faces photographed from 135 centimeters, about 4.5 feet, away.

6. Hiding your emotions

Research suggests that letting your real feelings come through is a better strategy for getting people to like you than bottling it all up.

In one 2016 study, University of Oregon researchers videotaped people watching two movie scenes: the fake-orgasm part of the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and a sad scene from "The Champ." In some cases, the actors were instructed to react naturally; in another they were instructed to suppress their emotions.

College students then watched the four versions of the videos. Researchers measured how much interest the students expressed in befriending the people in the videos, as well as their assessments of the personalities of the people in the videos.

Results showed that suppressors were judged less likable — as well as less extroverted and agreeable — than people who emoted naturally.

The researchers write: "People … do not pursue close relationships indiscriminately — they probably look for people who are likely to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that someone is hiding their emotions, they may interpret that as a disinterest in the things that emotional expression facilitates — closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination."

7. Acting too nice

It makes logical sense that the nicer and more altruistic you seem, the more people will like you. But some science suggests otherwise.

In a 2010 study, researchers at Washington State University and the Desert Research Institute had college students play a computer game with four other players, who were really manipulations by the researchers.

Here's how one of the study authors explained the study procedure in The Harvard Business Review:

"Each participant was placed in a five-person group, but did not see its other members. Each was given endowments that they could in their turn choose to keep or return, in whole or in part. There was some incentive to maximize one’s holdings, but not an obvious one.

"(The participants were told that, at the end of the semester, a random drawing of their names would be held and those few who were chosen would have their holdings converted to Dining Services coupons redeemable at campus eateries.)"

Some of the fake participants would give up lots of points and only take a few vouchers — a rather altruistic behavior. As it turns out, most participants said they wouldn't want to work with their unselfish teammate again.

In a similar, follow-up experiment in the same study, some said the unselfish teammate made them look bad; others suspected they had ulterior motives.

8. Humblebragging

In an effort to impress friends and potential employers, some people disguise bragging as self-criticism. This behavior, otherwise known as "humblebragging," could be a turn-off, according to a recent study from Harvard Business School.

In the study, college students were asked to write down how they'd answer a question about their biggest weakness in a job interview. Results showed that more than three-quarters of participants humblebragged, usually about being a perfectionist or working too hard.

Yet independent research assistants said they'd be more likely to hire the participants who were honest, and found them significantly more likable. Those students said things like, "I'm not always the best at staying organized" and "Sometimes I overreact to situations."

Another alternative in a job-interview situation is to talk about weaknesses that don't directly relate to the position — for example, a fear of public speaking if you're applying for a writing position.

9. Getting too nervous

Never let 'em see — or smell — you sweat. Research suggests that the odor of your nervous sweat may subconsciously influence people's judgments of your personality.

In 2013, researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center had participants watch videos of women in everyday situations, like working in an office and taking care of a child. While watching the videos, they sniffed three kinds of sweat: sweat that someone had produced while exercising, sweat produced during a stressful situation, and sweat produced during a stressful situation that had been covered up with antiperspirant.

Participants were then asked to rate the women on how competent, confident, and trustworthy they seemed.

Results showed that participants rated the women lower on all measures when they smelled the stress-induced sweat. When they smelled the stress sweat that had been covered up with antiperspirant, they rated the women more positively.

10. Not smiling

When you're at a networking event and meeting lots of new people, it can be hard to keep a smile plastered on your face. Try anyway.

In a University of Wyoming study, nearly 100 undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open body position, smiling in a closed body position, not smiling in an open body position, or not smiling in a closed body position. Results showed that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position.

More recently, researchers at Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen found that students who interacted with each other through avatars felt more positively about the interaction when the avatar displayed a bigger smile.

Bonus: Another study found that smiling when you first meet someone helps ensure that they'll remember you later.

11.Acting like you don't like someone

Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called "reciprocity of liking": When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well.

In a 1959 study published In Human Relations, for example, participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. (These group members were chosen randomly by the experimenter.) After the discussion, participants indicated that the people they liked best were the ones who supposedly liked them.

More recently, researchers at the University of Waterloo and the University of Manitoba found that when we expect people to accept us, we act warmer toward them — thereby increasing the chances that they really will like us. So even if you're not sure how a person you're interacting with feels about you, act like you like them and they'll probably like you back.

If, on the other hand, you don't express fondness for the person you're meeting, you could potentially turn them off.

12. Having a hard-to-pronounce name

We know: This one's really not fair.

But here's the science: A 2012 study, by researchers at the University of Melbourne, the University of Leuven, and New York University, found that people with more complicated last names are judged more negatively.

In one experiment included in the study, undergraduate participants read a mock newspaper article about a man running for an upcoming local council election. Some participants read about a man with a relatively easy-to-pronounce last name (Lazaridis or Paradowska); others read about a man with a harder-to-pronounce name (Vougiouklakis and Leszczynska).

As it turns out, participants who'd read about the man with the simpler name said that candidate was a better fit for the government position than participants who'd read about the man with the more complicated name.

13. Name-dropping

It can be tempting to mention that famous author who graduated from your alma mater in order to impress your conversation partner. But the tactic can backfire.

That's according to researchers at the University of Zurich. In 2009, they published a papersuggesting that name-dropping makes people seem both less likable and less competent.

For the study, University of Zurich students interacted with "partners" via email (the emails had really been generated by the researchers).

In some emails, the partner mentioned that Roger Federer was his friend and that they'd worked out together. In other emails, the partner only mentioned that Federer was a friend. In another set of emails, the partner mentioned that he or she was a fan of Federer. And in some emails, the partner didn't mention Federer at all.

Results showed that the stronger the supposed association between the partner and Federer, the less participants liked their partner. The researchers found that was largely because participants felt their partners were manipulative.

This article originally appeared on BusinessInsider.com

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